Once every week at the office, there's this moment of self-doubt, an existential emergency mode that I slip into questioning my life choices until that moment. I hate this mode because it totally affects my judgment; making me think all these negative points about me are real. In this phase, even if someone states some pretty obvious facts about my work that are positive, I think that they are just saying that to make me feel better.
I see people who come to work totally sorted, on time, work is done on time, no family issues, no issues at all, with a routine set in stone, I think, what a shabby piece of @#!$ I am. At 28 years of age, I'm still figuring !@#4 out.
It's not restricted to the work-space; in my life, every small hiccup is exaggerated as a complete failure on my part. This again makes me feel even worse and affects my confidence even more. This becomes a vicious cycle that runs continuously.
But over the past few months, I've been on a deep dive into self-development. Weirdly, it's like the universe came through with the answers for why only I am this messed up. All the people I revered went through some challenges that revealed their true issues. They actually don't have anything sorted, they thought so or I thought so, but life had other plans. I'm not happy they suffered but I learned to stop comparing myself with them. I'm on my own journey and they are on theirs. This is just a "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome and everyone, literally everyone, goes through it.
And like this, I learned that the changes in my thoughts became so massive that looking back at my life I can tell what were the things that held me up. Maybe they can help you:
1. First, we need to stop playing the victim-
This is hard to accept but it's true. Playing the victim is a great self-defence strategy to keep you from facing some hard facts. This is a very toxic state of mind. Some people go their whole lives thinking they had no power over their lives. Some even lie to others, worse, themselves that they are a victim of fate. I honestly feel sorry for these people. Learn to take credit for the good stuff and the bad.
What happens might not be under your control, what lesson you take from it and how you respond to that is even more important.
2. You cannot control everything-
Life is something you will never figure out, ever. It's not going to happen. We have to make peace with that. Its the most beautiful, coordinated chaos. The beauty of not having control over every single outcome is such a weight lifted off your shoulders. Just let go and play your role to your best capacity. Don't know what you are doing with your life? No biggie, I'm a good person, I try my best, I can sleep with a good conscience, I really gave my 100% to that project, I'll try better next time.; that should help us get through each day with some gradual improvement. Trust me, one day they all add up.
3. Focus on the experience, not the result:
I've been doing some reading and this life-changing book called "Atomic Habits" by James Clear has made me realize that the way we prioritize things in life has so much to do with our general happiness.
It's not what you want to achieve, but who you wish to become.
When your intentions are in the right place, life doesn't seem so burdensome. When your core, the foundation of your person is something you are happy with, then whatever you do in your life is just experiences, and whether you fail at it or succeed at it doesn't make you question your destination. How that journey transpired becomes more important.
I just try my best and hope for the best. This doesn't mean I'm not accountable or responsible. It means I'm not expecting a particular outcome. I'm focused on how I make that experience.
And its the most beautiful lesson of adulthood I have learned.
This means I can stop obsessing over the outcome of everything and my value based on the outcome.
A portion of my life I spent thinking that nothing in life has meaning; it's just random occurrences stitched together. Then, the other, I am living in the belief that everything is connected and has a meaning.
I guess it has to be a mixture of both.
Now, I won't say I'm healed of these anxious phases, but I'm definitely more reasonable when I criticize myself.
I don't feel like crap when I fail, I learn to be better. I don't let failure define me, I make sure it adds value to my life.
Ultimately, it's okay if you don't know what you're doing with your life. seriously! Be on the lookout for a match. If you fail at something, try again, try something else, even when you are 60 or 70. Its never too late to try and improve, even if its a little bit.
Also, a passion is not a soul mate that you die with; it can change, move, evolve, or break up with you. So don't take everything so seriously and feel terrible when something you were hoping to be the One life-defining thing doesn't work out. It's not supposed to be that way, all your experiences, even the failures are important to what kind of person you want to become and what lessons you take from them.
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